You Must Be This Tall to Ride the Garrus Wheel

I prance excitedly down the hall to the main battery, practically bursting at the seams with excitement and already forgetting whatever just happened with EDI. Robot body or something I don’t even care anymore, everyone can do what they want on the pleasure skiff.

The door to Garrus’s room opens and…he’s not standing at his little console. In fact I don’t immediately see him at all. Ummm…wait I can HEAR him. Talking to Primarch Victus. Uh, is Garrus haunting me? No wait there he is. I patiently wait for him to finish his talk with Victus and then walk over to him, admiring how much more space he suddenly has in his room. You could probably sleep comfortably in here now somewhere!

He’s a little unsure as to where we stand because I guess he didn’t notice me staring at his ass back on that moon. He offers to go get more scars if I’m, for some reason, only into dudes with fresh scars and/or lots of ¬†bandages. No, it’s okay Garrus. Your scars are sexy but you don’t need new ones every few months.

I finally just stop his awkward, adorable babbling with a kiss on the mandible/cheek area and SUGGEST WE DO IT RIGHT HERE ON THE BIG GUN, RIGHT NOW. Instead we talk some more about this war (Goddamn this war) and I am like daaaaamn, I look good in the light in your room, Garrus. I am just gon’ stay here. Finally I figure I should get upstairs and check on this EDI/robot situation but Garrus has a surprise for me first?

OOH IS IT DIRTY BUSINESS?

No, but it’s still pretty good.

IT’S MORE WINE! OKAY FUCK WHATEVER I WAS GONNA DO! LET’S DRINK THIS WINE RIGHT NOW!

I do eventually make it upstairs to EDI-bot and Joker where I suddenly realize that there’s a door between the cockpit and the rest of the CIC. I am fairly sure that door wasn’t here before I blacked out for several months and woke up on Earth…

I go in the cockpit to find Joker practically breaking his bones in excitement. I ask EDI if she’s still adjusting to greeting people in person and she says she only needs to do something once to get used to it. Oh.¬†Well. What’s the opposite of a humble brag? Oh, I think that’s just a brag. GOOD FOR YOU EDI. We talk a bit, and she asks me if I expect my squadmates to think for themselves. Oh god, yes, of course I do. Are you kidding me? I often expect them to think for ME too. They usually DON’T, but it’d be nice.

She asks me about altering her programming and what I think she should do. Uuuuuh I think you should decide yourself. HAHAHA FINALLY! FINALLY I GET TO TELL SOMEONE TO MAKE UP THEIR OWN GODDAMN MIND ABOUT SOMETHING! BEST DAY EVER!

I leave her and Joker in the cockpit but kiiiinda want to ask that they keep this door open, at least when it’s possible I might be coming into the cockpit look I don’t wanna walk in on anything!

I head towards the galaxy map, when Traynor tells me I have some new messages. Sweet!

I check my terminal and see that one is from Aria asking me to meet her on the Citadel IN A NIGHTCLUB! Oh thank the fucking stars! A nightclub!

Another is from Kaidan saying to come visit and another is from Thane! Oh Thane! He’s also at Huerta Memorial and says to find him under some fake name. I guess he doesn’t know that I just wander into any part of that hospital I want all willy-nilly like.

Okay! I got like, a few different stops to make now oh hell Traynor wants to tell me more stuff.

She says Grissom Academy needs help and mentions that the turian signal seemed to be fake in that EDI said it was similar to one used to lure me to a collector ship. Traynor seems confused by that and I tell her it’s a long story.

(IT’S NOT. A FAKE TURIAN SIGNAL LURED US TO A COLLECTOR SHIP! THE END!)

I tell her I’ll check THAT out too, just write it in my journal for me. Thanks!

First thing’s first though…TO THE CITADEL.

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