Shepard Raps

I like to spoof rap songs and make them about Mass Effect, because I listen to rap music a lot. Usually I just do the chorus or a few lines, or something. A few are works in progress to become more elaborate and to make me feel like I did something of value with my time. Enjoy!

Shimmy Shimmy Ya – ODB

Ooh baby a thresher maaaaww
ooh baby a thresher maaaaw

Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yeah, shimmy yay
Gimme a CAIN so I can blow it away
Off on a vanguard charge bonvoyage
home of the Krogan Clan Urdnot Squad.

Ride With Me – Nelly

If you wanna go and take a ride with me,
with two squadmates in the Mako from the Normandy,
oh why do I drive this way?
HEY JUST ‘CAUSE IT’S FUNNY.

Stand Up – Ludacris

G’on with your big ass, gimme Cerberus lovin’.
Tell your buff friend that THE PRIZE is for nothing.
I’m Shep and I don’t care what no one thinks,
but let’s head to Kasumi’s room for some drinks

Forever – Drake

Last name: Spectre. First name: Greatest.
Like a rabid varren boy, I ain’t nothin’ to play with.

[…]

Shooting shit on the Citadel,
and telling that shop it’s the one for me,
when I’ve been saying that to them all,
I want those fish forever mine, ever mine, ever mine..

Parents Just Don’t Understand – Will Smith

You know the council is the same, no matter planet or race.
They don’t understand the Reapers are waiting in deep space.
So to you, all the spectres all across the land,
there’s no need to argue, Council just don’t understand.

Gin and Juice – Snoop Dogg

With so much drama on the Normandy,
it’s kinda hard being N7 Spectre-y,
but I somehow someway keep going on a kicking ass mission like every single day.

Mo Money Mo Problems – Notorious B.I.G.

I don’t know what they want from me,
it’s like the more eezo I come across, the more upgrades I need.

Party Up – DMX

What’s gon’ be the outcome? Let’s add up all the factors:
You died, resurrected, your girl’s a ho.
You broke, ship ain’t yours, and e’erybody know.
You goin’ to a death trap, you be like “So?
I love all of my squadmates, I’ll never let ’em go.”

Hypnotize – Notorious B.I.G.

Garrus, Garrus, Garrus, Can’t you see?
Your calibrations hypnotize me. And I just love your snipey ways.
Look at all the model ships I’ve made.

Ms. Jackson – Outkast

I’m sorry Samara, Oooooh, I am for real.
Why’d I let your daughter join my crew?
I shoudn’t have picked her over you.

I’m sorry Samara, Ooooh. I am for real.
She did that Ardat yak thing to me.
Now I’m sexed to death as I can be.

The Real Slim Shady – Eminem

So won’t the real Shepard please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each interrupt.

Ya’ll act like you never seen a human spectre before,
jaws all on the floor like Anderson just walked in the door,
started whoopin Udina worse than before.

Ms. New Booty – Bubbasparx

I foooound you, Ms. New Booty
Get it together and bring it back to me
Hit Eternity, for about a month or two
put a probe on it, then see what you do.

Kick, Push – Lupe Fiasco

I’m just doing some recruiting here,
security said I’m sorry there’s no shooting here.
So we warp, push, warp, push, warp, push, warp, push, throoooow.
And away they go, just biotics on Omega with no place to go.

so we warp, push, warp, push, warp, push, warp push, throooooow.
So come pull with me, just some adepts, learning singularity.

so just warp

and push

and throooooow.

Gold Digger – Kanye West

I know you got baggage that you still carryin’,
but get over it girl, ’cause I’m banging Vakarian

Toot It & Boot It – YG

I saw ’em through the gun.
Then I said scratch one.
Got armor too.
But I punch right through.
Yeah I scope ’em and drop ’em.
Scope ’em and drop ’em.
I scope ’em and drop ’em.
S’why I scope ’em and drop ’em.

MAJOR WORK IN PROGESS:

Just A Friend – Biz Markie

Have you ever met a Turian you tried to date
but every time you saw him he’d just calibrate
let me tell you a story of my situation
I was talking to this sniper from the Citadel station
The way that I found him, was on Omega while I
was recruiting Archangel, he said “oh hi.”

When I asked “do you got a sec”, he made me wait
he said, ‘nah, I gotta calibrate.”
Come on, I’m not even goin’ for it
This is what I’m goin’ sing

CHORUS

Oh Garrus, you, you got what I need but you say can it wait a bit,
you say can it wait a bit
Oh Garrus, you, you got what I need but you say can it wait a bit,
you say can it wait a bit
Oh Garrus, you, you got what I need but you say can it wait a bit,
you say can it wait a bit

I took Garrus’s word for it at this time
I thought all this calibrating couldn’t be no crime
’cause I’ve calibrated, and that’s a fact,
like the guns to fight off the Horizon attack
Forget about that, let’s go back to the story
about a turian sniper guy that ignored me
So I got his updgrade, gettin’ some platinum
spendin’ a lot of time seein’ his back and
askin’ him, how things are going,
do you need a favor yet?

ANOTHER WORK IN PROGRESS:

Without Me – Eminem

I defeated that monster,
now nobody wants to see Saren no more
they want Shepard, the best Spectre.

Well if you want Shepard this is what I’ll give you
A little serrice ice brandy mixed with some hard liqour

…

You waited this long to start debating, ’cause I’m back,
the Reapers are in deep space and waiting.

…

So the council three won’t let me be
or let me be me so let me see
they try to shut me down on the Normandy
but it feels so empty without me

CHORUS
Now this looks like a job for me
so everybody, on the Normandy
if you need someone to save the galaxy
’cause it feels so empty without me.

Fuckin’ Batarians, the most worthless of aliens
impalin’ ’em in the back with tasers
and jailin’ them.

…

but sometimes, it just seems
everybody only wants to email me

…

No I’m first Spec, I am the best Spec
I killed the worst Spec
died, got Re-Spec’d

…

Hey, here’s a concept that works
get a team together, kill that harbin-jerk.

but no matter how my fish are gettin’ fed for free
it’ll be so empty without me.

OBVIOUSLY THOSE LAST TWO ARE ELABORATE AND FAR FROM DONE AND WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS.