We head to Sur’Kesh to look into this whole krogan females and genophage cure and salarians thing. I’m really excited because I am totally gonna meet a female krogan finally. I bring along Garrus and Javik, and Wrex is a little “the fuck is that?” at the fact that I have a prothean just hanging out with me like it ain’t no thing. He calls the Normandy a traveling freak show and WHOA THERE’S AN IDEA. Okay, we got the last remaining prothean; we’ll glue a beard to Liara, that’s our bearded asari; and of course, James Vega: The Strongest Man Alive. COME SEE EDI! THE ROBOT WHO IS ALSO A SPACESHIP WHO ALSO THINKS SHE’S A GODDAMN COMEDIAN!

This is a great idea. 

Suddenly we’re landing though the salarians are being rather coy about their female krogans. Ooooh maybe we got some of those around here. Wrex is in a hurry, but if these salarians are gonna be like this then guess what, I can waste time too. OH CAN I EVER. I talk to a few other salarians, including Major Kirrahe and one guy who I bother by just continuing to poke at stuff. He eventually tells me that it’s a fecal analyzer. Which okay, if you really wanted me to stop, why didn’t you say that immediately? And dude, I got gloves on, I don’t care I will touch anything with these. You heard me: ANYTHING.

The very SECOND I finally decide to head down to the basement or whatever though, that very goddamn second, the lab on Sur’Kesh is suddenly under attack! We get on the elevator, as is my usual practice in an emergency, and head downstairs to find this female krogan.

Down in the lab, I find Mordin! Hey Mordin! I’ve been here for a while, why didn’t you ride this elevator up and say hi? Eh, you were probably busy. I ask him about the female krogans and he says they’re all dead except one. Wow, that’s…unfortunate. I was really hoping we could not cut something so close for once.

IS THIS THE KROGAN FEMALE!? Oh my god she…hmm, she’s got a lot of robes on. Today is just one disappointment after another.

Wrex is insistent we get the female to him and the Normandy right away, but the salarians suggest we just hole up here for a while, we got lots of non-perishable food and this pistol amp. Mordin agrees with Wrex though and we start moving this krogan outta here. Aaaaaand…I’m taking that pistol amp. Yeah. I don’t even use pistols.

Mordin is gonna ride up with the krogan in the a weird pod thing, and tells me, Garrus, and Javik to take the elevator. We hit the button, it opens and OH FUCK A BOMB. And it is blowing up NOW. It’s like something I rigged to explode, it blows up so fast.

We find a different way out and start climbing some ladders and what not.  We got up top and see that our attacker is Cerberus! I don’t know what they want with this krogan, but dammit guys. I’m gonna kick your asses. Are you seriously just listening in on my communications and following me, just to bug me? LOOK, I’M SORRY I RAN AWAY WITH YOUR SPACESHIP.

On the way up, we run into Kirrahe who has a gun that is giving Garrus major gun lust. He asks why he doesn’t have one himself, so I say I’ll get him one sometime. As long as he keeps the wine coming.

We get all the way up top and everything seems cool when suddenly Cerberus awkwardly drops an Atlas on top of us. Wrex says “just kill it already” so I do. Just as I break its glass open I also blow it up though, so victory was a little bittersweet. Ehhh, at least we’re done here and can go find booze…

As we start to climb into the shuttle, one more Cerberus dude shows up and the krogan lady pops out and blasts him! NICE.

Let’s get back to the Normandy!


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