You Don’t Even Medal at the Spectre Olympics

I head back up to the CIC and check my email. Miranda wants to meet on the Citadel and Kaidan wants me to stop by again. Jeesh dude, I need my space. Ain’t no ring on this finger and it wouldn’t be with you anyways! Stop calling me! Get a little Canadian whiskey in the guy and he’s all CLING CLING CLING.

I do a little chitchatting on the ship before heading that way and find out that apparently Javik is having trouble with the separate male/female restroom thing. First I feel bad for him touching ANYTHING in there. No amount of bleach is getting out what has happened in those bathrooms. Then I am immediately pissed off that apparently both bathrooms even OPEN for him. I can’t even go in the men’s room if I WANT to! And I am the goddamn commander. This is such bullshit.

At the Citadel, I go to the bar again to see if there’s any booze to drink yet and fuck yeah! There is! I drink as much as I can until I black out and wake up on Aria’s couch. She seems none too pleased. I think it’s pretty funny and wish I had been able to pass out on her old couch on Omega. She’s a fun person to upset. I rush back up the stairs and drink some more until I wake up in the elevator where everyone else there is judging me. WHATEVER. I’M SAVING THE GALAXY. THIS IS PART OF THE PROCESS. I run back to the bar one more time but apparently that little outburst got me cut off. Fine,  what was I actually doing here? Oh right! Miranda!

I find Miranda down by the docking bay. MIRANDA COME BACK TO THE NORMANDY. My scanner is all slow and no one else wears as much spandex! Although EDI is a robot now, and from what I can tell, she doesn’t wear clothes at all. Miranda tells me that she’s once again worried about her sister and that she once again thinks her father is involved. Do uh, do you want me to go shoot things again? I’ll totally do that. She doesn’t though. Oh well. I tell her I’ll see her around, I guess and check what else I can do to put off seeing Kaidan for the moment.

I drop some stuff off with the merchant guy, who then gives his guns to that turian who then whatever you know that whole favor chain to recruit the Blue Suns. It’s all wrapped up.

While down in the market area, I notice an asari at the cafe that looks familiar. She might look more familiar if I were a bit more drunk but hey! It’s the bartender from Illium! Oh, she’s gonna give me a drink. Sweet! This should help jog my memory a lot. Can I have a free drink every time I come by? I mean, you made A LOT of credits off me back in the day.  I mean it was like, THOUSANDS of credits.

She calls me a bag of dicks and I tell her I know that she’s Liara’s dad. So…who’s a bag of dicks now, huh? (It’s Udina, he’s a bag of dicks.) She doesn’t want to talk to Liara though, so I walk the ten feet to where Liara is sitting instead.

Liara says she knows the bartender is her dad but she also doesn’t want to talk to her. Goddammit I will drag you by the tentacles over there and then buy us all drinks until we are just telling lots of embarrassing stories. She finally agrees because my stern face is powerful.

Eventually I get to the hospital and see Kaidan. He’s up and walking around and I have absolutely no idea what he is still doing in this hospital taking up an entire room when there are definitely other injured people just rolling around on the floor outside. He tells me he’s decided to take the offer to become a Spectre, and he’s amazed that he’ll be the SECOND HUMAN SPECTRE.

Noooo, no no no. I was first, then I died, then I was reinstated so I was second too. You get to be third.

Actually I wanna be third too, and because I am the first and second I get dibs on third. You can be the fourth.

Kaidan Alenko, the fourth human Spectre!

That still sounds nice, right? Good job, buddy!

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