Finally I get a moment to do what I want. I walk to the CIC and wouldn’t you know, I already have a virtual stack of emails unread at my private terminal. I sigh and click through those real fast then go say hi to Joker. After some chitchat, I decide to head back up to my room to make my armor more…my style.
God, you guys made it all dark on my ship.
In my room, I make my armor GOLD and then realize what the fuck my fish are gone? Did you guys kill my fish? What is this shit? HEY MY SHIPS ARE GONE TOO! AND MY SPACE HAMSTER! THIS IS VERY UPSETTING. Everyone always fucks with all my stuff!
I also notice that despite getting rid of all my spaceships, they did build a bigger display case for them. I suppose Anderson was gonna move in his much bigger spaceship collection. I grumble to myself and leave my room to go down to the third floor. There’s a memorial wall right when you get off the elevator. That’s…uuuuh, that’s a downer. You guys know the lounge is ON this floor right? I will see that wall, get depressed and go immediately to the lounge. Bad idea!
Speaking of…I’ll go there first. And here’s some real bullshit, I can’t pour the drinks anymore? Excuse me? I am so mad.
I leave and notice that I also can no longer go into the men’s room. The fuck? I need to get in there to inspect them, obviously. Plus what if I have to puke? You want to keep all possible restrooms open to me.
Also I don’t want any male crew members throwing a hissy fit and locking themselves in there.
I find Liara in Miranda’s old room and whoooooa she has set up camp in here. I talk to her for a bit and then she asks me if I still wanna get all up on her blueness. She knows I be hitting that Garrus, and Liara, I’m sorry but…I’m gonna keep hittin’ dat turian. She seems a little upset but goes back to her work.
Awkwaaaard.
I head over to the medbay where Dr. Chakwas wants to give me a checkup. I ask why and she says to make sure my body isn’t rejecting my Cerberus implants. Seems a little…late for that to suddenly start happening but okay. I agree as long as it’s not invasive and she says something about being disappointed that it’s not. I uh….that was strange. You WANT to cut me up with a scalpel or? I’m honestly a little nervous right now. I’ma keep on with my rounds.
Downstairs I find Engineer Adams, who used to be on the SR1. We discuss the ship and EDI and a few other things and I explore the rest of the deck. Down in Jack’s ol hidey-hole, I hear a squeak. Was that? Was it? Oh my god! It’s my space hamster! It’s running around down here! Oh fuck I gotta catch it, this is a pain in the ass. I really hope no one is filming or watching me do this because I must look really stupid.
Finally I catch him and then notice that also down here are a bunch of my spaceships. Huh? Why are they….what kind of weird prank is this where someone took all my stuff and hid it everywhere on the ship? Is this what we do on Space Easter? Maybe it’s Space Easter and I didn’t realize it because I don’t have a Space Calender and because I am Space Passed Out All the Time.
Finally I go down to the last floor where I find a cool guy who is willing to fly my shuttle, named Steve Cortez. He and Vega are yelling adorable little quips back and forth at each other and they are just too cute.
I go to talk to Vega who is just doing pull ups. Just pull ups and more pull ups. I start talking to him and he keeps doing pull ups. When I ask him, he says I know his record but I remind him that I wasn’t allowed access to it when I met him. Whenever that was. It was apparently in the last few months, and as I’ve said before, they’re kind of a blur (completely nonexistent.)
He wants to spar so we do, and when I win he calls me Lola. Oh you weird little man, you are just too much. Go back to your giant weights and your pull ups. I’m gonna go figure out how the fuck we get to Palaven…