We Be Illium

The Illusive Man has three more people he wants me to recruit and I figure I’ll get to those soon. Except that oh god, every single person suddenly wants to talk to me. Miranda, Jacob, Grunt, Mordin, they all need something and they all need it right now.

Mordin wants to talk about the genophage and how he did stuff to it and I just never know what to say to him when he gets on this tear. The genophage, yeah, I uh…maybe someone who like…not to sound disinterested, but someone who maybe has uh, stronger opinions than mine? I don’t know, it’s like, I can’t just pick a side in this. I get it, you both make excellent points. Do I have two-headed coin that is all scratched up on one side that I can flip? The scratched up side is my scarred renegade face and the other side is my beautiful paragon face. I just don’t know what you want from me. I cannot make you all happy! I’m sorry! Aaaaah!

After I talk to everyone about their various family and other problems, I decide I don’t currently want to help any of them. I want to go get this Assassin fellow, Thane Krios. Also it’s on Illium and Liara is there and I guess I’ll stop in and see how she’s doing. 

On Illium, I’m immediately greeted by an asari who tells me that Liara paid all my fees or whatever for me. Uh, thanks. I head on in and there is, whoa, a lot of people who are waiting to talk to me. I am so goddamn popular. First is an asari who has a message from the Rachni queen for me. Then Gianna who buys me a beer and wants me to help bust a chick for her, which I definitely do because it is so funny watching these Asari get in trouble and try to whine their way out of it. 

I head into Eternity where…are you fucking kidding me? Conrad? FUCKING…CONRAD? I really want to shoot him in the foot or punch him or something but really seeing him just makes me feel fucking exhausted so I ask him what the fuck he’s doing there and why the fuck is he wearing N7 armor and why is he hassling this delightful seeming bartender? He explains some shit about an undercover cop and I reluctantly agree to take care of it. The bartender thanks me for taking care of Conrad and I talk to her for a while, and then oooooh yeah! Drinks! I drink til me head starts spinning and then decide this is the perfect time to go see my old girlfriend.

In Liara’s office, we uh…oh god did we just awkwardly kiss? I felt incredibly uncomfortable doing that. You kinda scare me now too, lady. I’m not sure…I don’t think I want this anymore. Can you just, can you point me towards Thane? And maybe Samara the justicar while I’m up here? Please? She gives me the necessary information and I leave as fast as I can. Still uncomfortable.

I know what will cheer me up: Listening in on other people’s conversations! Some guys are watching an asari dance, a turian is trying to get in this quarian’s bodysuit. Then there’s this krogan reading poetry to his asari girlfriend to try to win back her heart. Now this looks like a problem for Commander Shepard. For one thing, this poetry is bad and it needs to stop. I run over to the asari and ask what’s going on and then immediately tell her to take her boyfriend back. I’m glad I could make such a snap decision on their relationship, I sure hope he’s not crazy abusive or anything. Haha! You kids have fun!

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