Playing with Harbie Dolls

My crew was slowly growing and we next went to recruit a Krogan, Warlord Okeer. Because what awesome intergalactic crew of space badasses is complete without a Krogan? 

We find the Warlord, but he’s growing Krogan and it’s not going especially amazing. Shit goes to hell and we have to start shooting and shit, Okeer’s dead. But there’s a tank-grown Krogan left behind. I guess I’ll take that. I mean I need a Krogan from somewhere, anywhere. 

Back on the ship, The Illusive Man wants to talk to me. Oh great. I just love talking to him. I avoid the debriefing room for as long as possible. I talk to Jacob, Garrus (who is too busy calibrating), Kelly, Joker, the two engineers, Mess Sergeant Gardner, Dr. Chakwas, absolutely everybody I can. Then I finally go to talk to Illusive Man. Bleh.

A colony, Horizon, has just gone black. And we need to go check it out. Aaaaand, Kaiden is there. All right, fine, Joker, take us to Horizon.

At the colony, Kaiden is wearing armor with lots of fun little lights on it. Hehehe. What the hell is that outfit Kaiden?

I grab Garrus and uuuh god…Jack? Sure, let’s bring Jack. She could use the air. Mordin has worked out a defense against the swarms so I think we’re ready for this. We land, and start taking out collector drone, after collector drone. Garrus almost dies because instead of taking cover he keeps standing on top of it like he’s the goddamn king of everything. Garrus! Look, you’re awesome, I know, but get the fuck down! Get BEHIND the goddamn box, goddammit!

Then some drone gets taken over or something and starts yelling shit at me about me feeling stuff and how it loves me and thinks I have pretty hair and it’s got big plans for me and all kinds of horribly creepy things.

There’s also husks! Yuck! And a bunch of empty rooms that I run in to check the safes for money that I can take. Look these colonists…they’re, well…they’re probably dead. So I might as well take those credits.

We find a mechanic guy in a room who answers a few questions for us about what the hell’s going on and what Kaiden’s doing. He tells me the Alliance has some guns there for defense but that they need calibrating.

Calibrations you say?

I have just the man for the job.

We head towards the gun to get it working, fighting our way through more collectors while Garrus triumphantly stands on boxes in the middle of fights.


We get to the gun, get it calibrated but need to keep the drones off it while it starts up or something. It kinda sucks, but we manage to do it.

And then here comes Kaiden. And he is mad at me. Oh Shepard, why haven’t you called? Even after I explain that whole, two-year-long coma thing he’s still upset. And nothing I say can make him happy. He just stands there with his angry face. Garrus tries to convince him to cool it too, but to no avail. Kaiden just loves the Alliance so much.

Look dude. I love them too, but do you know what I love more?


Garrus loves me more too. And that’s why we are flying this ship around and doing what we want. Now are you coming with us or not?

Okay, so that’s a not.


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