I feel like I have been on the Citadel forever but there’s still more stuff to do here. I should put a cot in this elevator so I can take naps in it. Maybe decorate it a little.

I find a batarian who works for Aria and is gonna help set up this deal with the Blood Pack. We duck into a room and he insists I pretend that he captured me. I guess we’re gonna win the Blood Pack over with a hilarious comedy routine. These vorcha dudes are the funny ones though! The one says that he’s gonna use my head as a hood ornament which I didn’t realize they still had in space or on space cars. Maybe he thinks hood ornaments are something he just invented and he’s gonna have the first one. Anyway, we shoot that vorcha since apparently the deal is with his little vorcha backstabbing friend. He says that I scratched his back so he’ll scratch mine.

Gross. Please I would like nothing to do with your back.

 Blood Pack on my side, I head over to these stores where Barla Von is. (I know there’s more merc group stuff to do, but Barla is just right over there so…)

Barla says he’s still working for the Shadow Broker and that the Shadow Broker would like me to know that he supports me.  I bite my lip and try not to start rolling with laughter. UH HUH. OKAY BARLA. Did the uh…SHADOW BROKER have any other messages for me? Does “he” want me to pick anything up while I’m out? Space Milk or anything?

Anyway, Barla says the Shadow Broker wants me to save some of “his” operatives from some planet. I say sure, just write it down in my journal for me, and then wonder for a minute if maybe Liara didn’t take that break up as well as she said she did and now we’re just gonna communicate awkwardly through intermediary Shadow Broker agents.

I try not to let the thought of these possible ex-girlfriend troubles bother me and instead find that salarian Spectre that had e-mailed me, Jondom Bau. He tells me he’s worried about some possibly indoctrinated hanar. He explains his reasons for this but the details have been lost to my short attention span. Jondom needs me to check out some terminals and I start to wonder what life is like for other Spectres. Every other one I’ve met has died, most of them by my hand. I mean, I’m checking terminals for this guy, could have other Spectres check terminals for me? Does Jondom spend a lot of his time checking terminals? Is that where he got this idea for shaking me down for free terminal checking services?

I don’t have the answers to these questions! But I wish I did!

Jondom also mentions that he’s trying to track down a thief by the name of Kasumi Goto who helped tip him off to this problem. I try to look immediately excited. Ooooh a thief? Interesting! I’ve never uh…met any thieves!

Kasumi shows up and cloaks and follows me around while I do all my errand running and work on Jondom’s thingermajig. UNG HER CLOAK. I wanna cloak forever! TEACH ME HOW.

We eventually track this hanar down who is NOT indoctrinated but is in fact craaaaaaazy. Hanar love protheans and the protheans became Collectors and the Collectors serve the reapers so goddammit, I need a drink. We manage to stop this hanar, but not before Kasumi has to come out of her hiding spot and hack a computer which then explodes and kills her all Obi-wan style, where you disappear when you die. I thank Jondom for the help…or he thanked me? Thanks were given. Anyways, once he’s gone I tell Kasumi to come back out because she ain’t dead.

I suggest she go help the Crucible project and she says she’s a thief, not a scientist! Well maybe you can…steal some scientists for them, I don’t know! I convince her to go on her merry way there and continue on with my Citadel business.

I check the Spectre console and notice a pardon for Ken and Gabby! I guess they’re in trouble for helping me with Cerberus. Ya know, if they’re gonna let me do all this shit and put me in charge of so much stuff, could they edit that news report that keeps calling me a “disgraced spectre?” I mean c’mon.

My last piece of work here is to deal with the Eclipse. I go to C-Sec and ask to talk to Jona Sedaris, the Eclipse leader they want released to get their allegiance. But maaaaaan, bitch be cray-cray. She says her second-in-command doesn’t have the balls to take over though.


Let’s go find some balls for him then.

I find her second-in-command, a salarian named Sayn and convince him that uh duh, she’s in jail and you should take over. Also I scanned a planet and found you these balls. So DO IT already.

It works beautifully and I can finally head back to my spaceship…

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